tears

why cant i have a better brain that will allow me to solve math problems!

i so cant feel that A for math coming. not at all.

):

ive been at the integration rev ws for AGES. and yes besides some distraction from msn. I CANT FINISH IT.

*

im torn inside
a right a left
one bigger than the other
size and significance
both precious
but one has to be more

allow me to prioritise

i cant do this on my own
maybe its time i fall back on God
ive shunned my back on Him long enough
because of reasons i dont ever wanna think about again
(not sex omg)
i felt like i could trust no one anymore
and/or rather trust anything i do anymore

over time i actually realise
there were calls for me to allow Him into my heart again
actually no,
He has always been there
He hasnt left me
but somehow i feel like i have to learn how to open up to Him all over again
and i lack the courage to do so

been praying
for the courage to walk into the warm arms of God's community again
for the courage to pray along w evryone else, for someone else, and for myself.

Listening to Hillsong in the quiet lonely night just makes me yearn for You more. I miss You.