in need

finally ran, the first time in like one plus weeks. a good 30min. allowing my mind to rest and just think about the recent times.

haha. a little of exam stress a little fear a little recalling of things i never wanted to remember.

but yet i felt this tugging joy at my heart this morning. this genuine happiness i never had in ages. but it got slammed when siok messaged me about chem lec test tmr. i so hate small tests like these.

there wasnt a reason for it really. i just felt it.

haha. maybe God's trying to remind me what happiness really is. from e simple things in life perhaps. ponned skl today so i had a aimless morning. it felt good to be alone with nothing on my agenda just allowing time to pass by doing the silliest of things like trying to touch my ceiling.

then i was just thinking about my life after JC. part of me yearns for a simple life, simple by defn means staying in Singapore for my studies and then working up the corporate ladder like every other person. the other part of me yearns for a "big" life, going to the UK or the US to study in Ivy League unis and being poached by big companies offering you promising careers. maybe my defns are a little deluded but i duno.. sometimes i feel like im just conforming to what everyone around me is doing. but as i say all these and think about the alternatives, i'll still be writing my testimonials and mugging hard for sats just like everyone else.

i feel like i need to liberate myself from something's that holding me back. i feel like i know what it is, but i am not sure what and how to deal with it and move on. maybe i need someone. but i already have someone. but i dont feel like i have that someone anymore. i really miss you.

well at least i worked out today. sweating and putting your heart to work sure makes me feel a whole lot better. but then im like freaked for chem test tmr and econs test on fri.

><

tarala.