oh baby

its painful
to have made that choice
to try and convince myself its the right thing to do

its a good thing im sooo occupied with uni apps and a levels
but i know its not fair
and i try to fight that conscience of mine

it doesnt feel the same
though it shouldnt be any different

ive learnt about new things
my heart breaks
but i always try to mend them in time
or chuck them aside
but this time it really is in pieces and im still trying

wheres my future

*

anyway, ive got new songs in my playlist (thanks shouyee!) and im really happy with it. can u imagine having to mug thru this period without good songs. but some damn emo and you know, influences my mood too.

was just thinking back on my 2 years. and maybe a little before that as well. i really miss the good ol days. SO MUCH.

i miss those days with mus hanis melia lemin charsu yuru in 401
i miss those days in sec1 and 2 with jenn mel lisa moni melia sara abby adeline denise yixuan xinyun stef shree bala vithya yuru debs omg everyone
i miss those days when we slept over at moni's just beside the presidents' residence (:
i miss those days when we had fun pe lessons with lindalim
i miss those days with anna manda melia in rgs
i miss those days when i get to go home with anna and manda with melia
i miss those days when netball seemed to be in every single day of my life
i miss NETBALL
i miss the team
i miss the training
i miss the sun sweat tears and whatnots
i miss having to shoot evryday
i miss gyming evryday
i miss the 5k runs evryday
i miss the netballers so much
i miss CAMBODIA
i miss the people in cambodia
i miss the past so much
i dont wanna move on away from school and uniforms and teams and friends and everything

i miss rgs so much. i miss netball so much. im feeling lost evryday having only one goal in mind which is to mug as much as i can till a's and hope for the best. i dont even know which uni i wanna go to though ive FINALLY recently decided on my early decision. and all e rest is left in God's hands.

*

and i just pray that everything else will be just fine and ill have you back the way it was before. and we could laugh like we didnt have to care about anything and love like theres no tomorrow. remember the long bus rides? remember the movies? remember the ice cream? remember the mugging sessions? remember the secret sleepovers? remember your birthday? simple things. that mean the world to me. and im desperately searching them back.

i dont wanna let it go as well
but

*